New details on Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered child with a staffer – Early Show

Bonnie Rochman of Time Magazine reported yesterday:

Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger has officially confirmed he’s not much for monogamy, it’s hard to know who’s got the rawer end of the deal: his four children with Maria Shriver or the young teen boy conceived with the family housekeeper.

Infidelity is hard enough for kids to process, but when a dalliance yields a secret half-sibling, it complicates matters significantly, raising questions of love and loyalty. It’s still unclear whether the newly acknowledged son – whose gap-toothed smile and square jaw make him a miniature, if less-muscled, dead ringer for his biological father – knew that Schwarzenegger was his father. On Monday, former housekeeper Mildred Patricia Baena told the Los Angeles Times that her then-husband had fathered her son.

But Schwarzenegger’s admission of paternity scuttled that carefully constructed fabrication. On Wednesday, CNN reported that the son he fathered with Baena was born within days of Schwarzenegger and Shriver’s youngest son, who is 13. If the boy knew the truth of his parentage all along, he must be reeling, partly humiliated, partly relieved to know the truth. If he had no idea, he’s probably trying to synthesize the truth into the last 13 or so years of his existence.

“What if this kid is reading all this stuff and finding out he’s a heart-break just by being born?” says Linda Cavallero, an associate professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. “That’s a kick in the head.”

The calculations are not all that different from those of a child who learns in his teens that he’s adopted – with the caveat that in this case, of course, the boy finds out that his mother’s former employer is doubling as dad.

“It requires a redefinition of identity,” says Richard Warshak, the author of Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-Mouthing and Brainwashing and a clinical professor of psychology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.

There’s likely lots of re-defining going on among Schwarzenegger’s four children with Shriver too. While CNN reports that they weren’t blindsided by the news, having been briefed “methodically” beforehand by their mother, it’s undeniable that children of any age need stability. The maelstrom of the past few days has provided anything but. To add to the otherworldliness of the situation, the Schwarzenegger children probably already know their half-sibling; it’s hard to imagine Baena having worked for their family for 20 years without their meeting her son.

Now, all five kids – ranging in age from 13 to 21 – are left trying to piece back together the notion of parental respect. It’s a process that any child who’s been publicly disappointed or humiliated by a parent – think adulterer, Ponzi schemer, porn star – has to go through.

Patrick Schwarzenegger, for example, seems to have been sufficiently embarrassed. He changed his last name – temporarily and on Twitter, at least – to his mother’s. Posting on Twitter as Patrick Shriver, the 17-year-old repurposed a line from “Where’d You Go?,” a Fort Minor song: “Some days you feel like s – , some days you want to quit and just be normal for a bit, yet i love my family till death do us apart.”

Meanwhile, his older sister, Katherine, tweeted: “This is definitely not easy but I appreciate your love and support as i begin to heal and move forward in life. I will always love my family!”

“They can understand that somebody might be mostly good but do some things that aren’t good,” says Cavallero. “Where to the 13-year-old it could be much more shocking, the older ones are kind of like, This sucks, but at least they can get their heads around it.”

Mostly, though, it’s important for the children to realize that although Schwarzenegger disappointed his family, he’s not the enemy. “Their task is to put this new information into the entire context of their history with their dad,” says Warshak. “Parents are not defined only by their worst mistakes. These children have lost an idealized image of their father, and it would be best if they don’t lose the ability to love and receive love from him.”

That’s more likely to happen if Shriver can avoid encouraging their kids to take sides. Her brief statement on Tuesday did that, highlighting her role as their caregiver. “As a mother, my concern is for the children,” she said. “I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal.”

Of course, the public lens trained on the whole fiasco doesn’t make things any easier: it can be difficult to privately assimilate their family’s new reality when the entire world is weighing in.

Cavallero couldn’t help but think of Chelsea Clinton soldiering through the Monica Lewinsky incident, recalling her as “crying and saying, Why is this happening to me?”

“As a psychologist, I think about children in situations like that,” says Cavallero. “When he was president, she got a lot of benefits. But she also experienced the opposite. Anyone else’s father who is unfaithful doesn’t have to go on TV.”

Maria Shriver Asks – How Do You Handle Transitions in Your Life?

Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to his wife several months ago that he had fathered a child about 10 years ago with a member of their household staff. Maria moved out, but has not filed for divorce. In the you tube clip above she comments:

“Like a lot of you I’m in transition: people come up to me all the time, asking, what are you doing next?” she said, adding: “It’s so stressful to not know what you are doing next when people ask what you are doing and they can’t believe you don’t know what you are doing.”

“I’d like to hear from other people who are in transition,” she said. “How did you find your transition: Personal, professional, emotional, spiritual, financial? How did you get through it?”

Mrs. Shriver has asked for spiritual input and I personally think that unless she gets the spiritual help that she needs then she will end up in the divorce court. I am starting a series on how a marriage can survive an infidelity. My first suggestion would be to attend a “Weekend to Remember” put on by the organization “Family Life” out of Little Rock, Arkansas. I actually posted this as a response to Mrs. Shriver’s request on you tube.

I wanted to share in two parts the article, “She Hated Her Husband: Brian and Julie Moreau thought there was no hope for their family,” by Mary May Larmoyeux. Here is the first portion:
Little Madissen and her big brother, Branden, often huddled in the closet together, wondering when their parents’ yelling would stop.

Brian and Julie Moreau didn’t protect their kids from their constant fits of rage. Their children “were always right in the middle of it,” Julie says, “with us screaming at each other.”

Julie regrets the time she shouted over and over to Brian, “I hate you! I hate you!” with the kids sitting right there.

Brian just turned around and walked out of the room. But something broke deep within his soul.

Was there any hope for this family?

Limping along in marriage

Brian and Julie were very possessive of each other. That started even before they married in 1991. They describe themselves as jealous, immature … not knowing what real love meant. “We had no business being together,” Julie says, “and my parents did not like Brian.”

Brian couldn’t seem to keep a job and his goal in life was to have fun. He says that Julie was the responsible one who had money in the bank.

Julie continually pointed out to her husband what he was doing wrong. She says that he had a money problem.

Julie was grateful for her one good friend. They often got together and criticized their husbands. Julie would complain about Brian’s spending habits. She’d also talk about Brian and her fights, and why they were always his fault.

Brian knew the woman’s husband, and they spent time together complaining about their wives. Brian would tell his friend about how Julie was trying to control whatever he was doing.

In 2000, after being married for nine years, Brian accepted a position as an internet technology manager at a hospital  three hours away. When the Moreaus arrived in their new community, Julie began a home daycare center.  She poured her life into the children. Brian poured his life into his job.

Because of Brian’s new position, the money issues in the family eased off. “At that point,” he says, “I had become committed to getting a career and holding a job down and supporting my family.”

Someone he could talk to

Brian often worked late into the night, and he became good friends with a co-worker—a married woman. It was easy for him to talk to her. They shared about their problems at home.

Brian didn’t want to be around his wife. “We didn’t like each other very much.” That’s why he deliberately came home after everyone was asleep in bed. And instead of going into the bedroom with Julie, he would prop himself up on the couch and fall asleep watching TV.

One night in May 2004, Brian asked Julie for a divorce. Julie was shocked. She said they needed to go to a counselor. “I stayed up all night begging him and begging him that we couldn’t do it, that we had kids, that we couldn’t get a divorce.”

Brian finally gave in. “Fine, whatever,” he said. “… I’ll stay for the kids but I’m not staying for you.”

A couple of weeks later one of Julie’s friends told Julie that she had heard rumors of Brian having an affair. Julie confronted her husband.

Brian responded by saying Julie didn’t trust him and that he would never have an affair. The only reason he wanted a divorce, he said, was because he wasn’t happy. He also said the kids would be better off if they divorced.

After Julie confronted Brian two or three more times, he finally admitted to the affair. “I can have conversations with her that I can’t have with you,” he said. 

The Moreaus’ relationship continued to deteriorate until Julie saw no hope for her marriage. In July 2004, she reluctantly told her husband, “Fine, let’s get a divorce.” 

Out of control

For the next two months, the Moreaus’ marriage was like a runaway roller coaster. One day Julie said, “It’s over, I can’t do this,” and the next she said, “We have to try.” She saw an attorney. He looked for an apartment for himself. He asked for her forgiveness. Then they said to one another, “Let’s try to work this out.”

Up and down. Their marriage was out of control … and their three children were watching.

“This craziness continued until the end of August,” Julie says. That’s when Brian sat on the couch at home with his two oldest children; Madissen was six years old and Branden was eight. He told them that he was leaving.

“Does that mean that we’re going to have another house?” Madissen asked. “Will I get my own room?”

Branden said nothing. He just sat there.

About that same time Julie and Brian went to their pastor for counseling. He told them that some marriages just don’t work. But other new friends disagreed. They told Julie and Brian that they could make it. “We had these Christian people coming around us that were insisting that we couldn’t get divorced … that we had to work it out,” Brian recalls.

Julie’s family physician was one of those friends. He had met Brian at the hospital, and his wife led a Bible study that Julie participated in. He took Brian to lunch one day and brought his Bible with him. “I told him to close the Bible,” Brian says. “I said I didn’t need that and I wanted some real-world advice.”

A ray of hope

In the fall of 2004, a friend handed Julie a brochure about a marriage getaway called Weekend to Remember®. She suggested that Julie and Brian try it before they divorced. Julie almost threw the brochure away.

Brian came home for lunch that day, and Julie handed him the Weekend to Remember brochure. He returned to work, and about two hours later the phone rang. It was Brian. He told Julie that he had registered for the conference, had booked a hotel room, and that she needed to be sure her parents could watch the kids. For the first time in years, she felt a little optimistic…

Mary May Larmoyeux is a writer and editor for FamilyLife. She is the author of My Heart’s at Home: Encouragement for Working Moms, Help for Busy Moms: Purposeful Living to Simplify Life, co-author of There’s No Place Like Home: Steps to Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom, and co-author of the Resurrection Eggs® Activity Book.

Weekend to Remember Story – Dennis Rainey

Oprah Winfrey and Maria Shriver at Chicago’s United Centre yesterday for the taping of the star’s final show after 25 years. Picture: AP Source: AP

The Australian reported today:

THE mother of former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child was named yesterday as the actor’s estranged wife became the star of Oprah Winfrey’s final talk show.

Schwarzenegger, who last week announced his separation from Maria Shriver after 25 years of marriage, admitted on Tuesday to fathering a child with a longtime employee about 10 years ago.

RadarOnline and Star magazine named housekeeper Mildred Baene, 50, as the employee and reported that she had worked for Schwarzenegger and Shriver for 20 years before retiring in January.

“She’s the one,” a source said.

A second source confirmed: “They have a son together.”

Ms Shriver revealed at the taping of Winfrey’s finale that the talk show host had “given me love, support, wisdom and, most of all, the truth”.

She said she knew she was not “alone in receiving those gifts”and told Winfrey the star host “believed in others so they could believe in themselves”.

Hollywood’s A-list celebrities bade a star-studded farewell to Winfrey in a double-taping of her talk show.

“I feel the love and I thank you for it,” Winfrey told the crowd.

“Thank you for being a part of this great night, this celebration of what you have done for The Oprah Winfrey Show. You have made it possible for us to stand for 25 years.”

Tom Hanks, then Tom Cruise, greeted Winfrey after she came on stage to a standing ovation from the audience of 13,000 gathered for Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular at Chicago’s United Centre.

Josh Groban and Patti LaBelle sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow as Winfrey sat in a white chair onstage.

“Was that not the coolest?” Winfrey said when they finished.

She announced in November 2009 that she would end her popular talk show after 25 years.

Yesterday’s taping will air in the US on Monday and Tuesday, before Winfrey’s final show on Wednesday.

In Australia, the shows will be broadcast in prime-time on the Ten Network a day later.

Madonna told the crowd she was among the millions inspired by Winfrey.

“She fights for things that she believes in, even if it makes her unpopular,” Madonna said. The second show’s taping began with Will Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, who thanked Winfrey and told her she had mothered millions and “that puts you in the status of a goddess”.

Former basketballer Michael Jordan came on stage to hug Winfrey and told her he loved her and that she inspired him. Jamie Foxx and Stevie Wonder sang Isn’t She Lovely to Winfrey. Wonder followed with his own song, singing to her: “Oprah, thank you for using your gifts to uplift so many hearts.”

Simon Cowell made an appearance, Rosie O’Donnell sang a Broadway-style song and Jerry Seinfeld did a comedy routine. Grammy winner John Legend was beamed in from a school in New Orleans, and actress Dakota Fanning led a group of children talking about Winfrey’s influence on their lives.

“You always had the power, and that is the message you brought into our lives,” Cruise told Winfrey.

Halle Berry, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes and Diane Sawyer were there, too. Beyonce sang her song Run the World (Girls), backed by dozens of dancers. And Rascal Flatts also performed.

“Oprah Winfrey, because of you women everywhere have graduated to a new level of understanding of who we are, of what we are and, most of all, who we can be,” Beyonce said.