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I really do wish Kate and William success in their marriage. I hope they truly are committed to each other, and if they are then the result will be a marriage that lasts their whole lifetime. Nevertheless, I do not think it is best to live together before marriage like they did, and I writing this series to help couples see how best to prepare for marriage.

We are to give our body to our spouse only within the context of a permanent marriage commitment. (See Genesis 2:24.) Anything less than this dishonors the high purpose that God intends for our sexuality. Premarital sex is, therefore, self-centered—it seeks immediate physical pleasure at the expense of God’s design for us and for our partner. It should be fairly obvious as well that those who practice premarital sex on an ongoing basis are also deliberately reserving the right to exit the relationship easily, should they decide to. In other words, when someone calls on you for premarital sex, he is really saying, “I want to use your body to satisfy my sexual appetite, but I want to remain free to reject you afterward.” (Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt, from the book, The Myth of Romance)

Tim Hawkins – Cletus Take the Reel

http://www.timhawkins.net

An epic tale of determination, friendship, and um… fish, from Tim Hawkins. A parody of “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood. To view this video in HIGH RESOLUTION, click on the above link

Chip Ingram – Three Ways to Improve your Conflict Resolution Skills (pt 2)

Why is conflict so hard to resolve? Whether in your marriage or other relationships – conflict can be a huge barrier that most of us would rather avoid. I want to share with you some common mistakes in conflict resolution and three important realizations that will bring fresh perspective to even the most difficult conversations. If you want to learn more, you can listen to the full message on conflict resolution from our guest speaker Tim Lundy here: http://www.venturechristian.org/files/sermons2/t032011.mp3

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Schwarzenegger fathers a love child

Maria Shriver Asks – How Do You Handle Transitions in Your Life?

Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to his wife several months ago that he had fathered a child about 10 years ago with a member of their household staff. Maria moved out, but has not filed for divorce. In the you tube clip above she comments:

“Like a lot of you I’m in transition: people come up to me all the time, asking, what are you doing next?” she said, adding: “It’s so stressful to not know what you are doing next when people ask what you are doing and they can’t believe you don’t know what you are doing.”

“I’d like to hear from other people who are in transition,” she said. “How did you find your transition: Personal, professional, emotional, spiritual, financial? How did you get through it?”

Mrs. Shriver has asked for spiritual input and I personally think that unless she gets the spiritual help that she needs then she will end up in the divorce court. I am starting a series on how a marriage can survive an infidelity. My first suggestion would be to attend a “Weekend to Remember” put on by the organization “Family Life” out of Little Rock, Arkansas. I actually posted this as a response to Mrs. Shriver’s request on you tube.

I got a lot out of a recent article that I read the other day and I wanted to  share it with you. Below is the article, “Can One Weekend Really Change a Marriage?:We were pretty close to the end if we didn’t do something,”by Briana Brunner:

Last year, my husband, Mark, and I were not getting along well. We had been in and out of counseling, and it seemed like we were always going over the same problems.

Mark and Briana Brunner

That all began to change in November 2007 when I happened to hear about the Weekend to Remember® marriage conference while listening to a local radio station. I told Mark that we needed to go to it. At first he kind of fought me on it. I told him that we didn’t have a choice and said, “I’m signing us up. We are going.”

Until then, I don’t think Mark had really admitted to himself that we were pretty close to the end if we didn’t do something. I had been through one divorce and didn’t want the kids to have to go through that again.

Things didn’t begin well for our Weekend to Remember. Mark and I had an argument as we drove to the conference, and we really didn’t like each other when stepped into the ballroom. Only God could have turned that evening into a weekend that transformed our marriage, our lives, our family … forever.

A turning point

The conference was an eye-opener for Mark and me as we heard God’s purpose and plan for marriage. One phrase that struck us both very powerfully was, “My spouse is not my enemy. My spouse is a gift given to me by God.”  I think grasping that truth was a turning point for both of us. 

It was neat to see couples who on Friday night were just bodies sitting by one another transform into lovers on Sunday. They sat with their arms entwined around each other and hands clasped.  Mark and I were among those couples.

Today we still use a lot of what we learned at the Weekend to Remember. One of the biggest changes is that neither one of us ever mentions the word divorce any more. We made a commitment to never threaten divorce because we love each other—and it’s not even a consideration when things don’t seem so bright.

Remembering that “My mate is not my enemy,” has also been huge for us. If we are in an argument one or the other one will say (depending on who is more upset), “I’m not the enemy, I love you. I’m your spouse.” Those words always remind me that whatever we’re disagreeing about is temporary. It instantly makes me tone it down to a level where Mark and I can calmly talk.

We’re also much better about listening to one another. Now we sit back and let each other finish a sentence instead of instantly getting mad and trying to jump in to defend ourselves or blame the other person. We’ve learned to listen and really try to hear what’s being said and not what we think someone means.

Nine times out of ten our arguments have come from one of us misinterpreting what the other one was trying to say. Sometimes one of us will now say, “Hey, that’s not what I meant.”

Mark and I work together and that can be very trying at times. In the past, when things didn’t go right, we blamed each other. Now, if Mark or I start to point fingers and say something is “your” fault, the other will say what we learned at the Weekend to Remember, “This isn’t about blaming each other. It’s not a you or a me problem. It’s just a conflict that needs to be resolved.” And that’s really helped quite a bit.

The weekend taught us huge things about dealing with conflict in front of the kids. We learned that it’s okay for them to notice that we’re not exactly happy with each other. But today we say, “We need to go talk for a few minutes and when we are all done talking things will be fine, but we just need to talk by ourselves.”

The older kids have noticed a difference in the way we communicate. It’s really funny because if they see things getting a little tense once in a while they say, “Remember what you guys learned [at the Weekend to Remember].”

The most important change

As wonderful as these changes are, the most important thing that happened at the Weekend to Remember was that Mark and I prayed and invited Jesus Christ into our lives. That was really powerful for both of us.

I had heard people in our business talk about finding God and I wondered, What are they talking about? I can’t really explain what happened at the conference spiritually, but it was like an “Aha!” moment, and I finally understood what finding God meant.

Having Christ at the center of our lives and marriage has been huge. When we are having difficulties I will pray, “Lord, I can’t do this on my own. Will you help me to get over this?”

Today Mark is much more open about talking about God with me, our kids, and others. I have seen him say to people, “I’ll pray about this.” I had never seen that side of him before.

When I first heard about the Weekend to Remember and read some of the testimonials about the conference, I wondered how one weekend could really change marriages that were so close to ending. I no longer have to wonder. Mark and I just have to look in the mirror and remember what God did in our lives and legacy.

Benefits of Attending a Weekend to Remember

Volunteer firefighters William Jackson

Volunteer firefighters William Jackson, left, and Ashley Martin, center, from Oklahoma, and Johnny Ward of Joplin look through the wreckage of a home whereit was feared a pregnant woman as feared to be trapped following a tornado in Joplin, Mo., Sunday, May 22, 2011. A large tornado moved through much of the city, damaging a hospital and hundreds of homes and businesses. The three did not find anyone during their search.

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CBS News reported today:

Missouri’s government announced Thursday that more than 230 people are still unaccounted for after a powerful tornado hit the southwestern city of Joplin Sunday.

Andrea Spillars, deputy director of the state’s Department of Public Safety, told reporters in a morning news conference that 232 people are missing. She urged survivors to check in. 

“Our goal is to get that number to zero,” Spillars said of the missing. “We will dedicate as much state resources as needed around the clock to ensure those family who have loved ones that they cannot find are connected.” 

But Spillars also said officials know some of the people on the missing list are dead. She wouldn’t say how many or say when names of the deceased would be released. 

One example of the potential overlap: 12 residents of the Greenbriar Nursing Home are listed as missing. But nursing home administrators reported earlier that 11 people died in the tornado; only one resident was known missing. 

Officials said previously they believe people who are unaccounted for aren’t necessarily dead or trapped in debris. They say many are probably safe and but failed to tell friends and family where they are. Cell phone service in Joplin remains spotty. Officials released a list naming all of the missing people soon after the press conference. 

The death toll rose Wednesday to 125 people, not all of them identified, and officials have estimated more than 900 were injured. 

Some families have complained about not being allowed into the morgue to try to identify missing relatives. Asked about that Thursday, Don Bloom, the deputy commander for family assistance for the mortuary team, said “the process has to take it’s time. We have to be 100 percent accurate.” 

Search-and-rescue teams have made multiple sweeps through the destruction, using dozens of dogs and listening devices in hopes of picking up the faint sound of anyone still alive beneath the collapsed homes and businesses. No new survivors have been pulled from the rubble since Tuesday. 

The list of the missing was checked against shelter populations, the Safe and Well list run by the American Red Cross, federal agencies, lists of hospital patients, ambulance logs and cell phone companies, Spillars said. 

An increasingly desperate group of people in Joplin are pleading for help in tracking down one of the dwindling number of people still missing in the wake of Sunday’s storm, which leveled much of the southwest Missouri city and now ranks as the nation’s single deadliest tornado since the National Weather Service started keeping records. 

They’re scrawling signs in wreckage, calling in by the hundreds to local radio stations and posting on the Internet. They are inspiring city officials to continue search and rescue efforts, yet there is no talk yet of recovery. 

“I am hopeful,” Joplin Fire Chief Mitch Randles said. “We’ve had stories from earthquakes and tsunamis and other disasters of people being found two or three weeks later, and we are hopeful we’ll have a story like that to tell.” 

Randles and others leading the search effort say it’s impossible to know exactly how many people are truly missing, since many may have simply left the area without getting in touch with their families. They believe most will be OK. 

Amid that confusion, away from formal grid searches in the debris fields, children are looking for their parents and friends are searching for neighbors in any way they can. 

With erratic cell phone service throughout Joplin and travel hindered by damaged cars and blocked streets, many residents have turned to local radio stations as a hub of information, sifting through around-the-clock reports of missing family members. 

The Zimmer Radio Group, which operates seven radio stations in Joplin, abandoned its various music formats for 24-hour tornado coverage starting late Sunday afternoon. Newscaster Chad Elliot, whose home was destroyed, slept in his office when he wasn’t on the air. His dog Rusty barked loudly behind a closed door. 

“I thought we were going to do a normal severe weather broadcast,” he said. “Obviously, that’s not the case.” 

Calls flowed in — hundreds of them — from people looking for displaced loved ones, or calling in to say they were OK. By Wednesday, reports of missing friends and relatives were decreasing, replaced by updates of successful, tearful reunions. 

“Folks wondering about Larry Allen, who was living near the Stained Glass Theater, he is fine,” an announcer said Wednesday afternoon. “He’s staying with friends.”

 Another listener reported, “I want everyone to know that Alice DuBois, 94 years old, is alive and well. We hadn’t heard from her until yesterday afternoon. We thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers.” 

Pleas were rampant on social networks. 

“This little boy was taken to Memorial Hall,” one poster wrote next to a picture posted on KRGZ-FM’s Facebook page. “His name is David and all he know’s is that his mother’s name is Crystal and his brother is Zachary. He was airlifted to Tulsa. Please help find his mom.” 

Other cries for help were low-tech: A tornado-battered pickup truck was spray-painted with the message, “Looking 4 Zachary Williams Age 12,” along with a phone number. 

At the Red Cross shelter at Missouri Southern State University, a steady stream of people visited a table where Bill Benson took down the names of people for a “safe and well” database. Some people entered their names; others hoped to find the name of their loved ones in the database. 

Benson has seen parents looking for missing children, saying “we had one where a 17-month-old infant was lost.” He contacted police and had not heard if the child was found. But more people have come to Benson searching for seniors — more than 100 were listed as missing Wednesday. 

At Freeman Hospital, Karen Mitchell waited Wednesday hoping for word on her missing son, Robert Bateson, or her grandson, Abe Khoury. Khoury was found and taken to Freeman, where he was in critical condition. But Mitchell and her family continued to search for Bateson. 

When she arrived in Joplin on Tuesday, Mitchell walked through the wreckage of her son’s apartment building. She recognized his mattress sitting in a pile. Her family continued to post Bateson’s information online. She prayed for a miracle. 

“I am waiting on God to tell me where he’s at,” she said. “God is going to take him to me.” 

Kathy Watson, a marketing team member and front desk volunteer at Freeman, said the hospital was deluged with calls and visits from searchers, sometimes in vain. 

“You want to be able to say, ‘Not only do we have your loved one, but they’re fine,’ but you can’t say that,” Watson said. 

Mike Hare has scoured the ravaged neighborhood where his 16-year-old son Lantz was seen last. He’s called hospitals from Dallas to Kansas City and taken dozens of calls offering advice, prayers and hopeful tips. 

None of the calls came from Lantz. None offered any hope he might still be alive.

 Hare has been looking for his son since Sunday. 

“We know he’s hurt somewhere,” Hare said Wednesday, his voice breaking. “We just can’t sit and keep calling. You’ve got to be moving.” 

The evening of the tornado, Lantz Hare was driving with a friend who said the two tried to take cover in the parking lot of a grocery store. The tornado shattered the windows and crumpled the car, and Mike Hare found Lantz’s backpack in the wreckage. 

He said he would keep searching until he found his son, dead or alive. 

“If you look at the ground, life will pass you by,” he said. “I won’t let life pass me by.”

Joplin Missouri Tornado – Hospital Destroyed – 5/22/2011

All posts dealing with Joplin Tornado

Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver Divorce, Prenup Discussion With Robert Brandt

The Schwarzenegger Shriver divorce will throw off a big number for sure. The legal complexities involved in this process are fascinating. Los angeles family law specialist Robert Brandt (Feinberg Mindel Brandt $ Klein) says the most interesting aspect is how Schwarzenegger was able to keep this quiet so long given the woman and boy were living in the house.

Bangshowbiz reported this morning:

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s divorce could cost him $200 million.

The ‘Terminator’ star split from wife Maria Shriver after 25 years earlier this month and she is now set to begin divorce proceedings against him following the revelation he fathered a child with their housekeeper Mildred ‘Patty’ Baena, and it is thought their assets – estimated between $200 and $400 million – could be divided evenly.

While the couple is believed to have a prenuptial agreement, because of the former Governor of California’s infidelity and the length of the marriage, it could be voided.

Instead they would then have to split their net worth, as per Californian law.

Although Maria hasn’t announced official divorce plans yet, she is believed to have hired top divorce lawyer Laura Wasser.

Meanwhile, Patty’s ex-husband Rogelio Baena – who believed her son Joseph, now 13, was his child – has spoken of how betrayed he feels, particularly after the actor gave him “a big Judas hug,” and told him “You must be so proud”.

Rogelio – who divorced Patty two years ago – told the Daily Mirror newspaper: “I have been betrayed, and I’m shocked and very angry. I want to know what Mr. Schwarzenegger has to say for himself.

“We met many times and he always treated me as a friend – but he was lying. He has lied to me and he has lied to everyone. I feel like he has stuck a knife through my heart.”

He also branded Patty – who has gone into hiding – a “snake,” and said he will always feel like Joseph’s father.