What impact will breaking trust with Bobby Petrino’s family have?

Jessica Dorrell was not revealed as the passenger on Petrino’s motorcyle until yesterday.

Petrino may feel roughed up now, but he has a bigger task of restoring trust with his wife and kids ahead of him and that may another rough road he has to go down in the future.

Back in July of 2011 at church I heard our pastor say that Randy Alcorn said one of the main reasons he did not want to have an affair was:

  • Hurt to and loss of credibility with my beloved daughters, Karina and Angela. (“Why listen to a man who betrayed Mom and us?”)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY PETRINO’S KIDS MUST BE SAYING NOW. THEY GREW UP THINKING THEIR FATHER HUNG THE MOON AND NOW THEY DON’T  KNOW WHAT IS AUTHENTIC ABOUT HIS FATHER’S LIFE ANY MORE.

Back in July  I went to my church, Fellowship Bible Church and heard one of our teaching pastors, Brandon Barnard, deliver a message on Sexual Purity. He pointed out that the wise thing is to keep your sex life between you and the wife of your youth as the Bible instructs. By doing that you will avoid a lot of pitfalls.

He started off the sermon by reading three chapters from Proverbs. Here are the verses:

Proverbs 5:1-23

English Standard Version (ESV)

Proverbs 5

Warning Against Adultery

1 My son, be attentive to my wisdom;
incline your ear to my understanding,
2that you may keep discretion,
and your lips may guard knowledge.
3For the lips of a forbidden[a] woman drip honey,
and her speech[b] is smoother than oil,
4but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
5Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to[c] Sheol;
6she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it. 7And now, O sons, listen to me,
and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8Keep your way far from her,
and do not go near the door of her house,
9lest you give your honor to others
and your years to the merciless,
10lest strangers take their fill of your strength,
and your labors go to the house of a foreigner,
11and at the end of your life you groan,
when your flesh and body are consumed,
12and you say, “How I hated discipline,
and my heart despised reproof!
13I did not listen to the voice of my teachers
or incline my ear to my instructors.
14 I am at the brink of utter ruin
in the assembled congregation.”

15Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
16Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
18Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

19a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated[d] always in her love.
20Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?[e]
21For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD,
and he ponders[f] all his paths.
22The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,
and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
23 He dies for lack of discipline,
and because of his great folly he is led astray.

Proverbs 6:20-35

English Standard Version (ESV)

Warnings Against Adultery

20 My son, keep your father’s commandment,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
21 Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they[a] will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you.
23For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
24to preserve you from the evil woman,[b]
from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.[c]
25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
26for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,[d]
but a married woman[e] hunts down a precious life.
27Can a man carry fire next to his chest
and his clothes not be burned?
28Or can one walk on hot coals
and his feet not be scorched?
29So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
none who touches her will go unpunished.
30People do not despise a thief if he steals
to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
31but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
he will give all the goods of his house.
32He who commits adultery lacks sense;
he who does it destroys himself.
33He will get wounds and dishonor,
and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
34For jealousy makes a man furious,
and he will not spare when he takes revenge.
35He will accept no compensation;
he will refuse though you multiply gifts.

Proverbs 7:6-27

English Standard Version (ESV)

 6For at the window of my house
I have looked out through my lattice,
7and I have seen among the simple,
I have perceived among the youths,
a young man lacking sense,
8passing along the street near her corner,
taking the road to her house
9in the twilight, in the evening,
at the time of night and darkness.

10And behold, the woman meets him,
dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.[a]
11She is loud and wayward;
her feet do not stay at home;
12now in the street, now in the market,
and at every corner she lies in wait.
13She seizes him and kisses him,
and with bold face she says to him,
14“I had to offer sacrifices,[b]
and today I have paid my vows;
15so now I have come out to meet you,
to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.
16I have spread my couch with coverings,
colored linens from Egyptian linen;
17I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,
aloes, and cinnamon.
18Come, let us take our fill of love till morning;
let us delight ourselves with love.
19For my husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey;
20he took a bag of money with him;
at full moon he will come home.”

21With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him.
22All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast[c]
23till an arrow pierces its liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;
he does not know that it will cost him his life.

24And now, O sons, listen to me,
and be attentive to the words of my mouth.
25Let not your heart turn aside to her ways;
do not stray into her paths,
26for many a victim has she laid low,
and all her slain are a mighty throng.
27Her house is the way to Sheol,
going down to the chambers of death.

Then Brandon made several points concerning the scriptures. Probably the most powerful point he made was referring to the exercise that Randy Alcorn had challenged all men to make. This below is my advice to Gene Simmons.

In light of all the sexual immorality and high profile infedility, Randy Alcorn shares with us his list that counts the cost of Sexual immorality.

As Christians, this is a timely reminder.

The original link is at http://randyalcorn.blogspot.com/2009/06/counting-cost-of-sexual-immorality.html

Here is the excerpt:

Personalized List of Anticipated Consequences of Immorality

  • Grieving my Lord; displeasing the One whose opinion most matters.
  • Dragging into the mud Christ’s sacred reputation.
  • Loss of reward and commendation from God.
  • Having to one day look Jesus in the face at the judgment seat and give an account of why I did it. Forcing God to discipline me in various ways.
  • Following in the footsteps of men I know of whose immorality forfeited their ministry and caused me to shudder. List of these names:
  • Suffering of innocent people around me who would get hit by my shrapnel (a la Achan).
  • Untold hurt to Nanci, my best friend and loyal wife.
  • Loss of Nanci’s respect and trust.
  • Hurt to and loss of credibility with my beloved daughters, Karina and Angela. (“Why listen to a man who betrayed Mom and us?”)
  • If my blindness should continue or my family be unable to forgive, I could lose my wife and my children forever.
  • Shame to my family. (The cruel comments of others who would invariably find out.)
  • Shame to my church family.
  • Shame and hurt to my fellow pastors and elders. List of names:
  • Shame and hurt to my friends, and especially those I’ve led to Christ and discipled. List of names:
  • Guilt awfully hard to shake—even though God would forgive me, would I forgive myself?
  • Plaguing memories and flashbacks that could taint future intimacy with my wife.
  • Disqualifying myself after having preached to others.
  • Surrender of the things I am called to and love to do—teach and preach and write and minister to others. Forfeiting forever certain opportunities to serve God. Years of training and experience in ministry wasted for a long period of time, maybe permanently.
  • Being haunted by my sin as I look in the eyes of others, and having it all dredged up again wherever I go and whatever I do.
  • Undermining the hard work and prayers of others by saying to our community “this is a hypocrite—who can take seriously anything he and his church have said and done?”
  • Laughter, rejoicing and blasphemous smugness by those who disrespect God and the church (2 Samuel 12:14).
  • Bringing great pleasure to Satan, the Enemy of God.
  • Heaping judgment and endless problems on the person I would have committed adultery with.
  • Possible diseases (pain, constant reminder to me and my wife, possible infection of Nanci, or in the case of AIDS, even causing her death, as well as mine.)
  • Possible pregnancy, with its personal and financial implications.
  • Loss of self-respect, discrediting my own name, and invoking shame and lifelong embarrassment upon myself.

I’m older now, turned 55 a few days ago. My daughters are grown, with children of their own. But the list of consequences of immorality is larger than ever. I have two sons-in-law and four grandsons. Many people have read my books, so the circle of people I would be letting down has grown. (For resources on this subject, see my book The Purity Principle, and my booklet Sexual Temptation: How Christian Workers Can Win the Battle.)

It would still break my heart to let down my Lord Jesus and my wonderful wife. That’s why I’m more careful than ever to avoid the little compromises and indulgences that could lead to moral disaster.

If we would rehearse in advance the ugly and overwhelming consequences of immorality, we would be far more prone to avoid it.

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