Will Maria Shriver’s marriage survive Arnold Schwarzenegger’s admission of infidelity? I hope so (Part 2)

Arnold Schwarzenegger Fathers Love Child With Longtime Member Of Household Staff

Maria Shriver Asks – How Do You Handle Transitions in Your Life?

Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to his wife several months ago that he had fathered a child about 10 years ago with a member of their household staff. Maria moved out, but has not filed for divorce. In the you tube clip above she comments:

“Like a lot of you I’m in transition: people come up to me all the time, asking, what are you doing next?” she said, adding: “It’s so stressful to not know what you are doing next when people ask what you are doing and they can’t believe you don’t know what you are doing.”

“I’d like to hear from other people who are in transition,” she said. “How did you find your transition: Personal, professional, emotional, spiritual, financial? How did you get through it?”

Mrs. Shriver has asked for spiritual input and I personally think that unless she gets the spiritual help that she needs then she will end up in the divorce court. I am starting a series on how a marriage can survive an infidelity. My first suggestion would be to attend a “Weekend to Remember” put on by the organization “Family Life” out of Little Rock, Arkansas. I actually posted this as a response to Mrs. Shriver’s request on you tube.

I read the article ” Recovering Intimacy After an Affair – FamilyLife.com,”by Dave Carder. I  got the article from Family Life’s website and here is the first portion:

Angela was depressed—really depressed. In fact, she was borderline suicidal. She didn’t know why, and her husband, Stuart, was equally puzzled. Their communication and sex lives were practically nil, and Stuart was worried. So he brought Angela in for counseling. He was doing fine, he said—it was she who needed the help.

 

I insisted that Stuart stay around for the first few sessions—I wanted to get an idea of their history together. After much discussion about various factors in their relationship, I began to find the clues I was looking for.

Stuart had indulged in a short entangled affair with his secretary five years earlier. Both Stuart and his wife vigorously assured me that they had gotten over it long ago.

Yet here was Angela about to end it all, with no apparent cause. I hypothesized to myself that their resolution of the event five years ago left something to be desired, that there still were major factors left unresolved between them.

Angela claimed that she had forgiven her wayward husband, but I had a hunch that hers had been a surface-only forgiveness and that her depression was the result of buried feelings of hostility toward her infidel husband.

After the affair Angela determined to go on as though nothing happened and be a “hero of God’s grace.” She kept a stiff upper lip in their church circle and was viewed as a paragon of virtue. In her heart, however, Angela was dying a slow death. Stuart seemed appreciative of her quick forgiveness—after all, that was his style too: his slogans of “Move on,” “Get over it,” and “Don’t look back” helped him to soon forget it too. He dropped his illicit relationship and arranged for his secretary to be transferred to a distant office, and she resigned rather than move. So all looked well from Stuart’s point of view.

Little did he know that a growing depression was engulfing his wife and beginning to affect her health. When he finally brought Angela in for help, she had very little of herself left to consider her anger at Stuart. In fact, she had almost forgotten the affair. It took some digging to link her feelings of “frustration” with the incredibly swift processing of the betrayal.

When Angela finally got angry and both she and Stuart began to grieve, it was like a huge festering sore that had finally been lanced. Their relationship worsened at first as the anger surfaced. But when Angela finally expressed her rage and began to struggle toward forgiveness on the basis of her true feelings, instead of denial, she was able to approach forgiveness. In effect, she was moving toward forgiveness right through her anger, not by going around it. As a result, Stuart developed an entirely new respect for her.

When Angela chose to forgive her husband, Stuart knew it was for real this time, and he could therefore begin to grieve his losses. Angela discovered a whole new person—her real self—to share with her husband. At the end of that long and arduous process, they were able to stand before the congregation and share their testimony of healing without shame.

Stuart, who had begun to feel like a second-class citizen in the church, could finally begin to feel better about himself, because his sin had been fully recognized by the one he had hurt—his wife. The two have a newfound respect for each other, and the children are doing a lot better, too.

But the best part is that they know for certain that they have forgiven one another. As a result, they know that their relationship is growing closer as time goes by, not more distant.

Remember, forgiveness is a process; all the characteristics of genuine forgiveness will not always be present, but they should become increasingly apparent along the journey.

Chip Ingram – Two Biblical Requirements to Resolve Conflict (pt 4)

To resolve conflict effectively and Biblically there are two absolutes that both parties must agree on – do you know what they are? Without this framework, you can try all kinds of things to avoid or resolve conflict in your marriage and relationships, but you probably won’t be successful. Listen and discover the common ground that can literally transform even the most challenging points of conflict. Want to learn more? Download the full message from guest speaker Tim Lundy for free at: http://www.venturechristian.org/files/sermons2/t032011.mp3

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Comments

  • navy wife jobs  On May 16, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your
    point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why throw away
    your intelligence on just posting videos to your site
    when you could be giving us something informative to read?

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