Kate Middleton and Prince William: Marriage made in Heaven? (Kate did not promise “to obey”)(Part 6)

Adrian Rogers – [3/3] How to Cultivate a Marriage

Advice from Dr. Adrian Rogers on a husband’s role in the household.

I really do wish Kate and William success in their marriage.  Nevertheless, I do not think it is best to live together before marriage like they did, and I am writing this series to help couples see how best to prepare for marriage.

Notice in the clip above what Dr. Adrian Rogers had to say about the husband taking the leadership role in the family. In the article “Should Kate Middleton ‘obey’ her prince?,” March 31, 2011, Salon, Mary Elizabeth Williams wrote: 

Should Kate Middleton

Reuters/Toby Melville
Britain’s Prince William and his fiancee Kate Middleton visit St. Andrews University in Fife, Scotland February 25, 2011.

When Kate Middleton walks down the aisle to wed Prince William on April 29, spectators all over the world will be hanging on her every word. And the one they’ll be listening for in particular isn’t “love” or “cherish.” It’s “obey.”

You might think that one little word — and all that it implies — had fallen completely off the charts. The Episcopal Church scrubbed it from its Book of Common Prayer way back in 1922. In 1981, William’s mother, Diana, dropped it from her vows to Prince Charles. But five years later, Sarah Ferguson slipped the word back into her wedding vows to Prince Andrew. And in 1999, Sophie Rhys-Jones did likewise when she tied the knot to Prince Edward.

As for Middleton, the 29-year-old future wife of the someday king of England knows where she stands, but she isn’t saying. Earlier this week, the palace released the statement that the “couple have made a decision on which vows to use but wish their decision to remain private until their wedding. We will not comment on speculation.” Their choice of officiant may hold a clue, though — they’ll be married by Archbishop Rowan Williams, whose Archbishops’ Council reported 2006 that “A promise to obey was in the past part of different standards and expectations of women and men within marriage.”

Yet the couple is, in many ways, a pair of old-school royals. Middleton has managed to make it to nearly 30 with no real job to speak of. She left her gig as an accessory buyer back in 2007, and has since gotten by as a fashion icon and girlfriend. And her fiancé has already declared his intention to eschew wearing a wedding ring, though his bride, of course, will. (He’s unlikely to pass as single on those out-of-town business trips anyway.)

The notion of what constitutes obedience is a highly personal one. As Rev. Peter Nott, who married Sophie Rhys-Jones and Prince Edward, says, “It is a mistaken assumption that, when a bride says she will obey, it means that she is going to be subservient — it is to do with trust and listening, to recognize that in a family you have different functions.”

I really hope that things go well for Prince William and Kate Middleton. This post today is mainly about the best way you can prepare for marriage.  In this series of posts I  will look at this issue of living together. It is based on the article “Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage,” by Josh McDowell. Here is a portion of the article below:

“What are the Main Arguments for and Against Living Together Before Marriage in Modern Societies?”

“To the degree that there is a scholarly debate about the growth of cohabitation, it is typically polarized into ‘for’ and ‘against’ without much concern for the nuances.   On one side is the religiously inspired view that living with someone outside of marriage, indeed all premarital sex, represents an assault on the sanctity of marriage. If you are ready for sex you are ready for marriage, the argument goes, and the two should always go together, following biblical injunction.  This side is typically supportive of early marriage as an antidote to sexual promiscuity, and as worthwhile in its own right.”

“The other side, based in secular thought, holds that we can’t realistically expect people to remain sexually abstinent from today’s puberty at age eleven or twelve (even earlier for some) to marriage in the late twenties, which is empirically the most desirable age for insuring a lasting union. Therefore, it is better that they cohabit during that time with a few others than be promiscuous with many.  This side also finds the idea of a trial marriage quite appealing.  Modern societies in any event, the argument goes, have become so highly sexualized and the practice of cohabitation has become so widely accepted that there is no way to stop it.”

“The anti-cohabitation perspective believes in linking sex to marriage, but fails to answer the question of how to postpone sex until marriage at a time when the age of marriage has risen to an average of almost 26, the highest in this century.  Cold showers, anyone?  Nor is there evidence to support the idea that marriage at a younger age is a good solution.  On the contrary, marrying later in life seems to provide some protection against divorce.  Teenage marriages, for example, have a much higher risk of breaking up than do marriages among young adults in their twenties. The reasons are fairly obvious; at older ages people are more emotionally mature and established in their jobs and careers, and usually better able to know what they want in a lifetime mate.”

“Pro-cohabitation arguments recognize the demographic and social realities but fail to answer another question: if the aim is to have a strong, lifelong marriage, and for most people it still is, can cohabitation be of any help? As we have seen the statistical data are unsupportive on this point.  So far, at least, living together before marriage has been remarkably unsuccessful as a generator of happy and long-lasting marriages.”

“The National Marriage Project”

“The National Marriage Project is a nonpartisan, nonsectarian and interdisciplinary initiative supported by private foundations and affiliated with Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.”

“The Project’s mission is to provide research and analysis on the state of marriage in America and to educate the public on the social, economic and cultural conditions affecting marital success and wellbeing.”

“The National Marriage Project has five immediate goals: (1) publish The State of Our Unions, an annual index of the health of marriage and marital relationships in America; (2) investigate and report on younger adults’ attitudes toward marriage; (3) examine the popular media’s portrait of  marriage; (4) serve as a clearinghouse source of research and expertise on marriage; and (5) bring together marriage and family experts to develop strategies for revitalizing marriage.”

For more information or additional copies of this publication, contact:

The National Marriage Project Rutgers
The State University of New Jersey
25 Bishop Place
New Brunswick, NJ 08901-1181
(732) 932-2722

Great opportunity for couples to take time out and re-connect with each other. time honored and proven wisdom from great teachers

January, 1999


Royals and Celebrities In Attendance

See the famous faces helping Kate and William celebrate their big day. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

The Save Your sex Summit took place in Chicago featuring author and Speaker, Josh McDowell. Teenagers and youth groups came from all over the city to hear him speak on the Importance of Saving sex til Marriage. (Part 2)

n the final installment, all four of the Queen’s children talk frankly for the first time about their working roles as part of the Royal Family. The younger generation are also seen to be getting involved. There’s an early-morning surprise for the residents of an inner-city hostel when they come down to breakfast and find Prince William making the coffee. Prince Harry attends a strategy meeting for his African charity, Sentebale. And we see what happens when all the family turn up for a very proud moment at Sandhurst.

Monarchy The Royal Family at Work Part 3 of 7

Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: