Kate Middleton and Prince William: Marriage made in Heaven? (Part 5)

Adrian Rogers – [2/3] How to Cultivate a Marriage

Prince William and Kate moved in together about a year ago. Take a look at this clip.

In this clip above the commentator  suggested that maybe Prince Charles and Princess Diana would not have divorced if they had lived together before marriage. Actually Diana was a virgin, and it was Charles’ uncle (Louis Mountbatten) that suggested to him that he seek to marry a virgin.

The Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu

Dr John Sentamu argued that the royal couple?s public commitment to live their lives together today would be more important than their past Photo: PA.

The Archbishop of York backed Prince William and Kate Middleton’s decision to live together before marriage, saying that many modern couples want to “test the milk before they buy the cow”.

Dr John Sentamu argued that the royal couple’s public commitment to live their lives together today would be more important than their past.

But Anglican traditionalists criticised the Archbishop, the second most senior cleric in the Church of England, for failing to reinforce Christian teaching which prohibits sex outside marriage.

The row came as Prince William and Kate Middleton unveiled their choices for the royal wedding service, which include classically British music and hymns, and an updated choice of marriage vows in which the bride omits the word “obey”.

In a television interview, Dr Sentamu was asked whether it was appropriate for the Prince, who is in line to become head of the Church of England as King, to have been living with his bride before marriage.

He said he had conducted wedding services for “many cohabiting couples” during his time as a vicar in south London.

“We are living at a time where some people, as my daughter used to say, they want to test whether the milk is good before they buy the cow,” he said. “For some people that’s where their journeys are.

“But what is important, actually, is not to simply look at the past because they are going to be standing in the Abbey taking these wonderful vows: ‘for better for worse; for richer for poorer; in sickness and in health; till death us do part.’”

However, the Rev David Phillips, general secretary of the Church Society, a conservative evangelical group, said the Archbishop had “missed an opportunity to set out Christian teaching”

“What he said wasn’t appropriate as he,” Mr Phillips said. “He gave the impression it doesn’t matter whether people live together before marriage. I thought he would have tried to get across Christian teaching on marriage that says it is not appropriate to have sex outside marriage.”

In another sign of their modern approach, the Prince and Miss Middleton published their order of service online for millions of people to join in at home.

The 28-page booklet confirms that Kate Middleton will follow the example of Diana, Princess of Wales by omitting the word “obey” from her vows.

Instead she will “love, comfort, honour and keep” him, mirroring the vows the Prince himself will make.

In the article below you will notice this sentence:

People who cohabit are much more likely to come from broken homes. Among young adults, those who experienced parental divorce, fatherlessness, or high levels of marital discord during childhood are more likely to form cohabiting unions than children who grew up in families with married parents who got along.”

Prince William’s parents divorced when he was young. Could this observation above apply to him?

I really hope that things go well for Prince William and Kate Middleton. This post today is mainly about the best way you can prepare for marriage.  In this series of posts I  will look at this issue of living together. It is based on the article “Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage,” by Josh McDowell. Here is a portion of the article below:

“Who Cohabits And Why”

“Why has unmarried cohabitation become such a widespread practice throughout the modern world in such a short period of time?  Demographic factors are surely involved.  Puberty begins at an earlier age, as does the onset of sexual activity, and marriages take place at older ages mainly because of the longer time period spent getting educated and establishing careers.  Thus there is an extended period of sexually active singlehood before first marriage.  Also, our material affluence as well as welfare benefits enable many young people to live on their own for an extended time, apart from their parents.  During those years of young adulthood nonmarital cohabitation can be a cost-saver, a source of companionship, and an assurance of relatively safe sexual fulfillment. For some, cohabitation is a prelude to marriage, for some, an alternative to it, and for yet others, simply an alternative to living alone.”36

“More broadly, the rise of cohabitation in the advanced nations has been attributed to the sexual revolution, which has virtually revoked the stigma against cohabitation.37  In the past thirty years, with the advent of effective contraceptive technologies and widespread sexual permissiveness promoted by advertising and the organized entertainment industry, premarital sex has become widely accepted. In large segments of the population cohabitation no longer is associated with sin or social impropriety or pathology, nor are cohabiting couples subject to much, if any, disapproval.”

Another important reason for cohabitation’s growth is that the institution of marriage has changed dramatically, leading to an erosion of confidence in its stability.  From a tradition strongly buttressed by economics, religion, and the law, marriage has become a more personalized relationship, what one wag has referred to as a mere “notarized date.”  People used to marry not just for love but also for family and economic considerations, and if love died during the course of a marriage, this was not considered sufficient reason to break up an established union.  A divorce was legally difficult if not impossible to get, and people who divorced faced enormous social stigma.”

“ In today’s marriages love is all, and it is a love tied to self-fulfillment.  Divorce is available to everyone, with little stigma attached.  If either love or a sense of self-fulfillment disappear, the marriage is considered to be over and divorce is the logical outcome.”

“Fully aware of this new fragility of marriage, people are taking cautionary actions.  The attitude is either try it out first and make sure that it will work, or try to minimize the damage of breakup by settling for a weaker form of union, one that avoids a marriage license and, if need be, an eventual divorce.”

“The growth of cohabitation is also associated with the rise of feminism.  Traditional marriage, both in law and in practice, typically involved male leadership.  For some women, cohabitation seemingly avoids the legacy of patriarchy and at the same time provides more personal autonomy and equality in the relationship.  Moreover, women’s shift into the labor force and their growing economic independence make marriage less necessary and, for some, less desirable.”

“Underlying all of these trends is the broad cultural shift from a more religious society where marriage was considered the bedrock of civilization and people were imbued with a strong sense of social conformity and tradition, to a more secular society focused on individual autonomy and self invention.  This cultural rejection of traditional institutional and moral authority, evident in all of the advanced, Western societies, often has had ‘freedom of choice’ as its theme and the acceptance of ‘alternative lifestyles’ as its message.”

“In general, cohabitation is a phenomenon that began among the young in the lower classes and then moved up to the middle classes.38     Cohabitation in America-especially cohabitation as an alternative to marriage-is more common among Blacks, Puerto Ricans, and disadvantaged white women.  One reason for this is that male income and employment are lower among minorities and the lower classes, and male economic status remains an important determinant as to whether or not a man feels ready to marry, and a woman wants to marry him.40  Cohabitation is also more common among those who are less religious than their peers.  Indeed, some evidence suggests that the act of cohabitation actually diminishes religious participation, whereas marriage tends to increase it.”41

People who cohabit are much more likely to come from broken homes. Among young adults, those who experienced parental divorce, fatherlessness, or high levels of marital discord during childhood are more likely to form cohabiting unions than children who grew up in families with married parents who got along.  They are also more likely to enter living-together relationships at younger ages.42  For young people who have already suffered the losses associated with parental divorce, cohabitation may provide an early escape from family turmoil, although unfortunately it increases the likelihood of new losses and turmoil.  For these people, cohabitation often recapitulates the childhood experience of coming together and splitting apart with the additional possibility of more violent conflict.  Finally, cohabitation is a much more likely experience for those who themselves have been divorced.”

36.  R. Rindfuss and A. VanDenHeuvel. 1990. “Cohabitation: A Precursor to Marriage or an Alternative to Being Single?” Population and Development Review 16:703-726; Wendy D. Manning. 1993. “Marriage and Cohabitation Following Premarital Conception.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 55:839-850.

37.  Larry L. Bumpass. 1990. “What’s Happening to the Family?” Demography 27-4:483-498.

38.  Arland Thornton, William G. Axinn and Jay D. Treachman. 1995. “The Influence of School Enrollment and Accumulation on Cohabitation and Marriage in Early Adulthood.” American Sociological Review 60-5:762-774;  Larry L. Bumpass, James A. Sweet, and Andrew Cherlin.1991. “The Role of Cohabitation in Declining Rates of Marriage.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 53:913-927.

39.  Wendy D. Manning and Pamela J. Smock. 1995. “Why Marry? Race and the Transition to Marriage among Cohabitors.” Demography 32-4:509-520; Wendy D. Manning and Nancy S. Landale, 1996. “Racial and Ethnic Differences in the Role of Cohabitation in Premarital Childbearing.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 58:63-77;  Laura Spencer Loomis and 
Nancy S. Landale. 1994. “Nonmarital Cohabitation and Childbearing Among Black and White American Women.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 56:949-962;  Robert Schoen and Dawn Owens. 1992. “A Further Look at First Unions and First Marriages.” in S. J. South and Stewart E. Tolnay, eds., The Changing American Family. Boulder, CO: Westview Press, p. 109-117.

40.  Daniel T. Lichter, Diane K. McLaughlin, George Kephart, and David J. Landry. 1992. “Race and the Retreat from Marriage: A Shortage of Marriageable Men?” American Sociological Review 57-6:781-789;  Pamela J. Smock and Wendy D. Manning. 1997. “Cohabiting Partners’ Economic Circumstances and Marriage.” Demography 34-3:331-341; Valerie K. Oppenheimer, Matthijs Kalmijn and Nelson Lim. 1997. “Men’s Career Development and Marriage Timing During a Period of Rising Inequality.” Demography 34-3:311-330.

41.  Arland Thornton, W. G. Axinn and D. H. Hill. 1992. “Reciprocal Effects of Religiosity, Cohabitation and Marriage.” American Journal of Sociology 98-3:628-651.

42.  Arland Thornton. 1991.”Influence of the Marital History of Parents on the Marital and Cohabitational Experiences of Children.” American Journal of Sociology 96-4:868-894; Kathleen E. Kiernan. 1992. “The Impact of Family Disruption in Childhood on Transitions Made in Young Adult Life.” Population Studies 46:213-234; Andrew J. Cherlin, Kathleen E. Kiernan, and P. Lindsay Chase-Lansdale. 1995. “Parental Divorce in Childhood and Demographic Outcomes in Young Adulthood.” Demography, 32-3:299-318.

“The National Marriage Project”

“The National Marriage Project is a nonpartisan, nonsectarian and interdisciplinary initiative supported by private foundations and affiliated with Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.”

“The Project’s mission is to provide research and analysis on the state of marriage in America and to educate the public on the social, economic and cultural conditions affecting marital success and wellbeing.”

“The National Marriage Project has five immediate goals: (1) publish The State of Our Unions, an annual index of the health of marriage and marital relationships in America; (2) investigate and report on younger adults’ attitudes toward marriage; (3) examine the popular media’s portrait of  marriage; (4) serve as a clearinghouse source of research and expertise on marriage; and (5) bring together marriage and family experts to develop strategies for revitalizing marriage.”

For more information or additional copies of this publication, contact:

The National Marriage Project Rutgers 
The State University of New Jersey 
25 Bishop Place 
New Brunswick, NJ 08901-1181 
(732) 932-2722 

 January, 1999 

Exchanging Rings

In this image taken from video, Britain’s Prince William, left, places the ring on the finger of his bride, Kate Middleton, as they stand at the altar at Westminster Abbey. (AP Photo/APTN)
Prince William and Kate Middleton wed on April 29, 2011, in an hour-long ceremony at Westminster Abbey. We offer excerpts.
n the final installment, all four of the Queen’s children talk frankly for the first time about their working roles as part of the Royal Family. The younger generation are also seen to be getting involved. There’s an early-morning surprise for the residents of an inner-city hostel when they come down to breakfast and find Prince William making the coffee. Prince Harry attends a strategy meeting for his African charity, Sentebale. And we see what happens when all the family turn up for a very proud moment at Sandhurst
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