Adrian Rogers – [1/3] How to Cultivate a Marriage
I really hope that things go well for Prince William and Kate Middleton. This article below is about the affect on children during cohabitation. Therefore, it has nothing to do with the Royal Couple. This post today is mainly about the best way you can prepare for marriage. In this series of posts I will look at this issue of living together. It is based on the article “Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage,” by Josh McDowell. Here is a portion of the article below:
“Why Cohabitation Is Harmful For Children”
“Of all the types of cohabitation, that involving children is by far the most problematic. In 1997, 36% of all unmarried-couple households included a child under eighteen, up from only 21% in 1987.22 For unmarried couples in the 25-34 age group the percentage with children is higher still, approaching half of all such households.23 By one recent estimate nearly half of all children today will spend some time in a cohabiting family before age 16.”24
“One of the greatest problems for children living with a cohabiting couple is the high risk that the couple will break up.25 Fully three quarters of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents split up before they reach age sixteen, whereas only about a third of children born to married parents face a similar fate. One reason is that marriage rates for cohabiting couples have been plummeting. In the last decade, the proportion of cohabiting mothers who go on to eventually marry the child’s father declined from 57% to 44%.”26
“Parental break up, as is now widely known, almost always entails a myriad of personal and social difficulties for children, some of which can be long lasting. For the children of a cohabiting couple these may come on top of a plethora of already existing problems. One study found that children currently living with a mother and her unmarried partner had significantly more behavior problems and lower academic performance than children from intact families.”27
“It is important to note that the great majority of children in unmarried-couple households were born not in the present union but in a previous union of one of the adult partners, usually the mother.28 This means that they are living with an unmarried stepfather or mother’s boyfriend, with whom the economic and social relationships are often tenuous. For example, these children have no claim to child support should the couple separate.”
“Child abuse has become a major national problem and has increased dramatically in recent years, by more than 10% a year according to one estimate.29 In the opinion of most researchers, this increase is related strongly to changing family forms. Surprisingly, the available American data do not enable us to distinguish the abuse that takes place in married-couple households from that in cohabiting-couple households. We do have abuse-prevalence studies that look at stepparent families (both married and unmarried) and mother’s boyfriends (both cohabiting and dating). Both show far higher levels of child abuse than is found in intact families.”30
“One study in Great Britain did look at the relationship between child abuse and the family structure and marital background of parents, and the results are disturbing. It was found that, compared to children living with married biological parents, children living with cohabiting but unmarried biological parents are 20 times more likely to be subject to child abuse, and those living with a mother and a cohabiting boyfriend who is not the father face an increased risk of 33 times. In contrast, the rate of abuse is 14 times higher if the child lives with a biological mother who lives alone. Indeed, the evidence suggests that the most unsafe of all family environments for children is that in which the mother is living with someone other than the child’s biological father.31 This is the environment for the majority of children in cohabiting couple households.”
“Part of the enormous differences indicated above are probably due to differing income levels of the families involved. But this points up one of the other problems of cohabiting couples-their lower incomes. It is well known that children of single parents fare poorly economically when compared to the children of married parents. Not so well known is that cohabiting couples are economically more like single parents than like married couples. While the 1996 poverty rate for children living in married couple households was about 6%, it was 31% for children living in cohabiting households, much closer to the rate of 45% for children living in families headed by single mothers.”32
“One of the most important social science findings of recent years is that marriage is a wealth enhancing institution. According to one study, childrearing cohabiting couples have only about two-thirds of the income of married couples with children, mainly due to the fact that the average income of male cohabiting partners is only about half that of male married partners.33 The selection effect is surely at work here, with less well-off men and their partners choosing cohabitation over marriage. But it also is the case that men when they marry, especially those who then go on to have children, tend to become more responsible and productive.34 They earn more than their unmarried counterparts. An additional factor not to be overlooked is the private transfer of wealth among extended family members, which is considerably lower for cohabiting couples than for married couples.35 It is clear that family members are more willing to transfer wealth to “in-laws” than to mere boyfriends or girlfriends.”
22. U. S. Bureau of the Census. 1998. Marital Status and Living Arrangements: March, 1997.
23. Wendy D. Manning and Daniel T. Lichter. 1996. “Parental Cohabitation and Children’s Economic Well-Being.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 58:998-1010.
24. Bumpass and Lu. 1998. op.cit. Using a different data set, however, Deborah R. Graefe and Daniel T. Lichter conclude that only about one in four chilren will live in a family headed by a cohabiting couple sometime during childhood. “Life Course Transitions of American
Children: Parental Cohabitation, Marriage, and Single Motherhood.” Forthcoming: May, 1999. Demography 36.
25. It is the case, however, that-just as with married couples—cohabiting couples with children are less likely to break up than childless couples. Zheng Wu, “The Stability of Cohabitation Relationships: The Role of Children.” 1995. Journal of Marriage and the Family 57:231-236.
26. Bumpass and Lu, 1998, op.cit.
27. Elizabeth Thompson, T. L. Hanson and S. S. McLanahan. 1994. “Family Structure and Child Well-Being: Economic Resources versus Parental Behaviors.” Social Forces 73-1:221-242.
28. By one estimate, 63%. Deborah R. Graefe and Daniel Lichter, 1999, forthcoming.
29. Andrea J. Sedlak and Diane Broadhurst, 1996. The Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect Washington, DC: HHS-National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect.
30. See, for example, Margo Wilson and Martin Daly. 1987. “Risk of Maltreatment of Children Living with Stepparents,” in R. Gelles and J. Lancaster, eds. Child Abuse and Neglect: Biosocial Dimensions, New York: Aldine de Gruyter; Leslie Margolin. 1992. “Child Abuse by Mothers’
Boyfriends: Why the Overrepresentation?” Child Abuse and Neglect 16:541-551. Martin Daly and Margo Wilson have stated: “stepparenthood per se remains the single most powerful risk factor for child abuse that has yet been identified.” Homicide (New York: Aldine de Gruyter, 1988) p. 87-88.
31. Robert Whelan. 1993. Broken Homes and Battered Children: A Study of the Relationship Between Child Abuse and Family Type. London: Family Education Trust. See especially Table 12, p. 29. (Data are from the 1980s.) See also Patrick F. Fagan and Dorothy B. Hanks. 1997. The Child Abuse Crisis: The Disintegration of Marriage, Family and The American Community. Washington, DC: The Heritage Foundation.
32. Wendy D. Manning and Daniel T. Lichter. 1996. “Parental Cohabitation and Children’s Economic Well-Being.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 58:998-1010.
33. Wendy D. Manning and Daniel T. Lichter. 1996.
34. Sanders Korenman and David Neumark. 1990. “Does Marriage Really Make Men More Productive?” The Journal of Human Resources 26-2:282-307; George A. Akerlof. 1998. “Men Without Children.” The Economic Journal 108:287-309; Steven L. Nock. 1998. Marriage in Men’s Lives (New York: Oxford University Press).
35. Lingxin Hao. 1996. “Family Structure, Private Transfers, and the Economic Well-Being of Families with Children.” Social Forces 75-1:269-292.
“The National Marriage Project”
“The National Marriage Project is a nonpartisan, nonsectarian and interdisciplinary initiative supported by private foundations and affiliated with Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.”
“The Project’s mission is to provide research and analysis on the state of marriage in America and to educate the public on the social, economic and cultural conditions affecting marital success and wellbeing.”
“The National Marriage Project has five immediate goals: (1) publish The State of Our Unions, an annual index of the health of marriage and marital relationships in America; (2) investigate and report on younger adults’ attitudes toward marriage; (3) examine the popular media’s portrait of marriage; (4) serve as a clearinghouse source of research and expertise on marriage; and (5) bring together marriage and family experts to develop strategies for revitalizing marriage.”
For more information or additional copies of this publication, contact:
The National Marriage Project Rutgers
The State University of New Jersey
25 Bishop Place
New Brunswick, NJ 08901-1181
(732) 932-2722
marriage@rci.rutgers.edu
January, 1999
Leaving the Church
Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II and her husband the Duke of Edinburgh attended a pre-wedding reception for foreign royals Thursday evening. Royals across Europe and the Middle East attend a reception at the Mandarin Oriental hotel in Hyde Park. (April 28)
In the final instalment, all four of the Queen’s children talk frankly for the first time about their working roles as part of the Royal Family. The younger generation are also seen to be getting involved. There’s an early-morning surprise for the residents of an inner-city hostel when they come down to breakfast and find Prince William making the coffee. Prince Harry attends a strategy meeting for his African charity, Sentebale. And we see what happens when all the family turn up for a very proud moment at Sandhurst.
The Daily Hatch 